


The Fall

by alternate_universes



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels, Angst, Drama, Explicit Sex, Fallen Angel!Uruha, Human!Aoi, Humor, M/M, Romance, Uruha Learns How To Be Human
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2018-11-15 03:56:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11222814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alternate_universes/pseuds/alternate_universes
Summary: The excruciating rip of bone and flesh as he pulled at his wings with a scream, and the sickening smell of his feathers as they burned to ashes later on, they are clear in his head. But clearer is the smiling face of a human boy named Yuu who asked if he could keep him, to which the answer had been yes. And this is it, this is Kouyou keeping his promise.





	1. Hoc est corpus meum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **we're just two Uruha/Aoi fangirls, plotting AUs on LINE. most of them are too fun _not_ to share, so here you have one of them (for now). enjoy and let us know what you think, kudos and comments are loved ;)**

He remembers it as if it happened just a mere second ago, and with amazing clarity. In fact, if he closes his eyes, he can still feel the stinging cold upon his flushed cheeks, recall the soft and kind voice that accompanied a warm bread, and even warmer hands. When humans say they remember things like this, it is a lie. But when an Angel does, it is true because like pearls of light, they keep memories in their heads to be replayed and looked at from every angle later, a fresh and crisp vision so realistic that watching it alone is already akin to reliving the very moment all over again.

 

"Hey you, cutie. You want some bread?"

Disguised as a five-year-old boy, Kouyou pauses from his aimless walking, _back and forth, back and forth_ on the edge of his chosen sidewalk. He doesn't know where the rest of his group is, having lost them earlier and his participation in this mission altogether, deciding to stay put so it will be easier for them to find him. That had been over two hours ago by Man's measure of time, and no one has bothered him so far.

That is, except now, the loud question obviously directed towards him seeing as there are no others within hearing distance save for himself. Hands outstretched on his either side for balance and with his wings hidden, Kouyou lets his neck turn a little behind him as far as it is able, and without moving the rest of his body.

Blinking rapidly, he squeaks. "Me?"

His question is filled with wonder, and confusion above all. He has not been expecting anyone to approach him, as this disguise had been deliberate to ward off people except the truly kindhearted, of which there are very few. He had taken the role of the homeless today, clothes in tatters: worn shirts and frayed pants in layers that do nothing to ward off the chill, and it had served its purpose for everyone left him alone, letting the poor lad play under the snow.

But not this one.

At first it's just a hood outlined by faux-fur, the speaker's face hidden in shadow. But then, soon enough the furry covering is pushed back and, for all the beauty that Kouyou has seen in the millennia he has lived, he has never seen this type, one that not only resonated from deep within but outwardly too. He is struck speechless, body frozen as he is approached by the most beautifully smiling creature he has encountered in all of his long life.

"Yes you, silly. I just came from the bakery and waiting for the bus, been looking for someone to share this with."

It's a funnily-shaped bread, a bit like the moon when it's not either half or full that is held out for him to take. Kouyou glances down at it only briefly, disinterested, his eyes all for this Human instead–the darkness of his hair and those eyes, a contrast to the mint green scarf wrapped around his neck. Kouyou can't breathe as he takes it all in, not that it is a necessity for him to do so, but this is the first time he has needed _so much_ air but is unable to find it.

Before he can stop himself, he asks: "Are you an Angel?"

Because this is the only plausible explanation. Such genuine kindness and the unwavering, unconditional warmth, Kouyou has never met a Human who exudes such things unless they're an Angel in disguise. And yet, as a hand takes his to tug him under the safety of a waiting shed with a laugh, as one hand becomes two that rub warmth against his icy palms, he realizes he is mistaken. This person is flesh, _Man._

It makes everything unreal and yet not so, and Kouyou knows if he had not been disguised himself, if his wings hadn't been hidden and were visible, then he would've wrapped it around this wonderful Human.

"I'm not an Angel, but I can be for you!"

The reply to him is in singsong, imparting more than just physical warmth with those words. Kouyou wants to melt, wants to sink into the Human's arms if he will allow it, but he holds back and simply stares like a fool witnessing how the beasts of the world came to be for the first time at the Lord's mighty bidding. He gets the next best thing however, the hands leaving him momentarily to become palms that cradle and squish his cheeks instead. Kouyou's wonder becomes confusion again as he blinks, lashes trembling with Want to be touched some more by this fascinating creature.

_He was so warm._

"You're so _cuuuuute!_ I think you're my Angel instead. Can I keep you?"

And Kouyou's heart beats so painfully fast _for the first time_ that it makes him dizzy, makes him answer before thinking as he nods his head, lifting a hand to touch the pretty face before him to feel the delicate jaw and the tender skin. And when he speaks, it is a promise that this Human doesn't even know Kouyou's making–one that is unbreakable and everlasting.

"Yes. Yes, you can keep me."

And legs swinging as he sits on a too tall bench, hands clasping a bigger one that squeezes his time and again, Kouyou accompanies Shiroyama Yuu as he waits for his bus, both of them eating half a croissant each in silence.

_Am I really your Angel, or are you mine?_

 

There are numerous gardens and forests in Heaven, but there is one that Kouyou frequents the most. In his idle time he escapes to this place and into a hidden glade, one dotted with little pools. It's not water however, but rather windows: a view of the World below and the Humans who live in it, a means to spy on what Kouyou should not even care for–at least not with this intensity.

In Man's time, it has already been a year since Kouyou first met Shiroyama Yuu, but he has not changed. He has remained as kind as he had been that wintry day, with an ever-present smile that seems to be reserved for everyone but himself.

Cushioned by grass and in his truest form, Kouyou is on his stomach with his arms on the soft ground and his hands in fists, wings shuddering in distress as it flaps restlessly behind him. It is one of those days again, and he longs to fly down, plummet back to Earth and in Yuu's arms, unable to understand why the other is always unhappy and wanting nothing more than to know how he can help take this unhappiness away. It doesn't make sense: when alone in his little apartment after a day of taking care of other people and sharing his warmth with them, why does Yuu go home and look morose, sometimes crying in the shower, often watching the sky longingly from the perch by his window?

And then Kouyou begins to notice a pattern, how Yuu's eyes always linger on people in pairs, two persons locked in some kind of intimacy like hand-holding, an embrace, or on occasion, a meaningful kiss.

_Yuu is lonely._

It is with this realization that Kouyou, warrior of Heaven and among the highest-ranked of the Powers(2), starts pondering on a possibility he has never had to before.

The Fall.

 

Battles are more commonplace than even the holiest of Man think. It is the reason why there are calamities and natural disasters: thunderstorms and earthquakes, tsunamis and floods, to name but a few. It is not true, that Angels have no ability to hate. They can and will, when faced with the very perversion of themselves, those who have turned and chosen Hell. Put the mightiest of Heaven against their fallen counterparts who are just as powerful and all in one place, and it is not surprising why the Earth shakes and trembles.

Kouyou, however, is not here to win a war for the first time since he came to be.

"How did you fall?"

The edge of his sword rests precariously against the delicate throat of the enemy by his feet, the one he'd dragged away from battle. They're hidden near the mouth of some cave, a majestic vision worthy of being put on canvas, and that's because although cast out with no way to ever return to Heaven or be forgiven for their sin, Devils are not less magnificent despite their lack of wings.

Kouyou's question gets a mocking laugh in reply, the Devil kneeling before him gazing back with knowing eyes.

"Are you sure you can handle it, slave of God?"

He draws blood, sword digging against flesh immortal threateningly, like a foretaste of what's to come. Should Kouyou slash this throat, it will not kill the Devil–but the wound will hurt immensely, not to mention take a long time to heal, and it will be a major inconvenience. Face devoid of emotion, he simply repeats his question.

"How did you fall?"

The Devil laughs again, unbothered as he keeps his sharp eyes trained on his face. "I will tell you," He begins with a sneer, tilting his head back just the slightest and with his tongue out, tracing it against the edge of a waiting blade. Kouyou doesn't acknowledge all the blood even as it drips from those sneering lips and dribbles down a stubbled chin. "But I first must know the reason why you want to fall."

His mistake is answering far too quickly.

"I am not planning on it."

And the Devil chuckles, crimson bubbling from his mouth like poison.

"Beautiful, filthy liar."

Telling lies is the least of his sins at this point, but for it to be pointed out to him like this, it makes something in Kouyou snap. So he digs his sword deeper, penetrating flesh as his face contorts menacingly.

"I will not ask a third time. Tell me."

And the Devil does, tells him the hideous details of how exactly to Fall step by excruciating step. By the end of it and although he has kept a straight face, Kouyou feels his stomach churning and protesting because he's going to do this, _please don't do this,_ a part of him says.

"You know the worst part, loyal servant?"

The Devil has sneered the entirery of his speech, the twist of his mouth unchanging and smug even as he ends his monologue with a cackle, turning his head sideways to spit out blood and saliva that curdles the ground.

"They know you will be damned for your Choice, but they will not stop you. Not your brothers-in-arms, not the unfeeling Ophanim(3), and most certainly not your beloved God."

Kouyou snarls with the viciousness of a beast, blade glinting against what little light there is in the cavern as he lifts his weapon and brings it down with force. In the aftermath and with a cheek spattered in blood, he turns around and walks off without a glance to the wilting body he leaves behind. And when he returns to the battlefield in all his winged glory, he kills as many of the demons as he can as if in repentance, murmuring under his breath but all for naught.

_Deus meus, ex toto corde pænitet me ómnium meórum peccatórum... (4)_

Yet Kouyou continues the act of sinning with his every return to the glade, watching over Yuu.

 

There is another pattern he observes, and this time it is in regard to the temporary partners that Yuu chooses for himself. They are all male is one important thing to take note of, but aside from gender, Kouyou realizes that the few lovers Yuu has had? They are all _bad boys,_ or so he learns the terminology later on, and it takes a while but he eventually understands the meaning of it too. It is thanks to Yuu's habit of talking to himself that Kouyou does.

_"I always like guys who aren't good for me, the bad boys... what the hell is the matter with me? But is it wrong to hope that someday they'll change, stop fooling around, choosing to settle down because I'm worth changing for? Because I'm worth it? I'm so stupid... maybe I'm really destined to die alone."_

Suddenly Kouyou has a clear goal to work towards, as he knows he won't let such things happen. Yuu will _not_ be alone. In fact and if Kouyou has a say in the matter, Yuu will _never_ die. They will be together for as long as the waking World exists and perhaps even beyond that, a force to be reckoned with when he makes them inseparable.

With this, Kouyou begins to wonder how different it will really be, without his wings.

 

"Welcome back!"

Kouyou finds himself in the same cave he has been before, to find the Devil he left behind still there as expected. He's healing nicely too, the gash Kouyou's blade made from collarbone down to the demon's chest almost completely closed now.

Face expressionless although he doesn't quite meet the expectant gaze, Kouyou only grunts in reply to the ecstatic greeting at first, standing a good distance away with his hands folded on his back.

The Devil gives him that familiar smug smile. "Are you prepared to Fall," He starts, licking his lips in anticipation. "Sweet Angel?"

Kouyou hesitates only for a few seconds, before lifting his head and meeting the shining eyes of what once was an enemy.

"Yes."

And Kouyou doesn't know it yet, but it will be the longest night of his entire life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _(1) Chapter title **Hoc est corpus meum** meaning "This is my body", _ Latin
> 
>  _(2) In the Celestial Hierarchy which assigns and groups Angels into nine sub-categories that fall under three main categories called Choirs, the_ Powers _belong to the bottom of the second Choir. To put it simply, they are known as the elite guard who watches for demonic attacks, Heaven's first line of defense. They also guard the byway between Earth and Heaven to ensure the safe passage of souls. It is said that most of the Fallen come from the_ Powers _more than any other group in the hierarchy._
> 
>  _(3) Also from the Celestial Hierarchy, the_ Ophanim _or the_ Thrones _is the last member of the first Choir, the initial group of Angels closest to God. They act as his chariot although are also known to mete out His judgement._
> 
>  _(4) The first few words of_ Actus contritionis _(The Act of Contrition),_ Latin


	2. Ad undas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **hi, took long enough but hopefully you'll enjoy this next chapter ;)**
> 
> **(we also have two song recs: for the more serious** Battle Cry **and for the more optimistic** The Fall **, both from** Imagine Dragons **!)**

Falling is not easy, not for the weak, and not without purpose. When you choose to Fall, you turn your back on and forsake what you were, embracing what you have chosen to become. Ripping out your wings? It is not simply symbolism, or a ritual. It is a necessity, as much as it is a choice. What purpose have you to keep what was given only to Angels if you have decided to be their opposite, renouncing their kind and being one that's all your own? We are Fallen, but we are not hypocrites. When we turn our backs on our brothers and foreswear Him, it is in full abjurement of our grace which includes our wings. Are you ready to lose them wholeheartedly, a physical renouncement of everything you believed in?

 

_Kouyou's scream is a ghostly wail that drives every living thing to run opposite the direction his eerie cries are coming from. Not only is it anguished and loud, it is also terrifyingly harsh, the sound an animal who is being inflicted with mindless torture makes, torture that leads to a slow and meaningless death. It is perhaps true in a way, as Kouyou feels much like a bird losing the very tool he uses to live. But even this is not enough, because feathers are only a portion of one entire thing. In order to Fall?_

_Kouyou must lose everything._

Sifting his fingers through his dark auburn hair, Kouyou lets the smirk that has replaced his smile grace his reflection on the bathroom mirror. He has practiced this expression countless of times on Kai, on fellow Devils, on unsuspecting Humans–repeatedly, until it has become second nature. It's as bad as he's going to get, but then it's just an impression because didn't Yuu want them looking sinful but with a heart of gold?

Kouyou is going to be that, just for Yuu.

_He's on his knees with one hand's fingers buried deep on the damp loam that makes up the cave's flooring, chest heaving and eyelids fluttering. Kouyou blinks back the tears, unsure whether he can go on, as shameful as it is to admit. For he isn't even halfway done but the pain has already left him exhausted and disoriented, and the simple effort of reaching behind his back again using a free hand? Already too much, too soon._

_"You have to break them off you."_

Helmet, bike keys, wallet. Oh, and of course–"I'm leaving!" Peering through the doorway leading to the Devil's study, Kouyou watches Kai look up at him where he's on his favorite spot by the window, reading a book, an approving smile upon his lips as his gaze travels downwards then back up.

"Well, we look badass and ready in all that black leather. Excited?"

For a moment, the smirk disappears from his lips and Kouyou grins, the nodding action he does making his hair bounce with the eager action. He makes a sign that he learned on television: gun in hand that he uses to pretend-shoot Kai as he winks.

"As I'll ever be!"

He does another action that he also picked up on TV: pinky and thumb out in order to mime a phone just before he disappears.

"I'll call you and give an update!"

_He looks up at the words, breaths coming out in wet gasps. The Devil he came back for, his name is Kai and he has assigned himself to oversee Kouyou's progress which he is doing now, and fantastically too. This is a good thing and his words from before ring true: no Angel can Fall on their own, he'd said, and Kouyou only understands it during this moment. Drunk and delirious with pain, he will definitely need help seeing this through._

_Kai is all healed as opposed to when Kouyou first arrived, clothes stiff with dried blood that makes him appear menacing where he stands, looming over him with an expression that's unforgiving. There is no warmth or sympathy in his gaze, only steel that says_ it was you who wanted this, Angel, so do it. _And he did want this, Kouyou still does,_ but it hurts.

_"You can't keep them, rip them off."_

It had been Hell (no pun intended), choosing the perfect match. It's a classic and Kouyou has found that his tastes veer towards such a style. Running a hand on the handlebars, Kouyou croons at his Yamaha Bolt-C Spec lovingly, letting it know what to expect from today.

"We'll be seeing Yuu today, _finally,_ and if you're lucky, he'll give you a ride! I hope someday he gives _me_ a ride too... but all in due time, all in due time!"

Getting his helmet on and straddling his desert bronze motorbike, he revvs the engine loudly just as the garage doors are opening automatically–ride purring sweetly under him. If this isn't bad enough for Yuu, Kouyou doesn't know what is.

He pulls away from Kai's house, the Devil not even sparing him another glance as he turns a page in his book.

_The first snap and break, it tears another scream from Kouyou's throat. The pain is so intense that his grip loosens, wing slipping from his fingers to hang and sway in an awkward angle on his back. It increases the hurt tenfold and he vomits, dizzy, scrambling to complete the act right after, fingers grasping and reaching but at nothing._

_"It is impossible to reach," He says, turning his hazy eyes up at Kai who has straightened. His throat contracts, and he throws up again, blood and saliva dripping from his chin to the soil until he's merely retching with nothing coming out. With a gasp, a cough, he looks up again. "Help me."_

Checking the time on his watch, Kouyou winces–because of a couple of necessary stops he had to make, one to help an old woman cross the street and second to help break up a fight at the pedestrian causing a hold up on the road–he only has thirty minutes left to spend with Yuu.

It's the same waiting shed, at the same time in the late afternoon as it has always been: between 5:15 to 5:30 Yuu sits under the dilapidated thing with some bread from the corner bakery, the bus he takes to his neighborhood scheduled to arrive by 5:45. He'll be there, Kouyou's sure.

Kai had his men check too, just for good measure.

And as Kouyou makes a turn that puts the blessed waiting shed in view, he takes a deep breath and slows his driving to a crawl, keeping to the side of the road with his heart beating so fast that he feels like he's over speeding.

This is it.

_The Devil walks around him briskly and with an impatient sigh, kneeling behind his crumpling form–another snap, another scream, and then Kouyou's arm tightens around his chest as Kai guides his hand to touch the broken wing, wrapping his fingers around it as he encourages mercilessly._

_"Pull, yank, whatever you have to do. Rip it out!"_

_And Kouyou does. He pulls and yanks and does whatever he has to do with Kai's help, as Kai said, screaming and trembling the entirety of the act until there is nothing left in his stomach, until his back is on fire with pain,_ until it is finished.

_And once it is, only then does the Devil smile, and he looks almost childlike as he does so._

_"Good work, brother."_

Kicking the bike stand in place as he rolls into a stop at his destination, Kouyou removes his helmet, red hair like flames under the rays of the sun. Smirk wide, he tucks the protective gear under an arm, leaning forward and settling the elbow of his free hand against one of the handle bars. Gloved fingers curling under his chin, he focuses his attention on the apple of his eye, his _raison d'être,_ the one who owns his heart.

_Shiroyama Yuu, I'm here for you to keep. As promised._

And behind the smug mask and this costume of leather (because it's all it is), Kouyou feels like his chest is about to burst, with how _happy_ he is. He wants to rush over and crush Yuu into his arms, never let him go, tell him:

 _It's okay. It's okay, you'll never_ ever _be alone again._

But not yet.

Ignoring the rest of the people in the waiting shed who has stopped all that they're doing to stare at him (he's completely aware of the group of high school girls beside his beloved who are a gaping, giggling mass of teenage hormones), he clears his throat.

Yuu looks up from his book and directly at him, croissant halfway to his open mouth, and despite the weariness on his face and the dark circles under his eyes, to Kouyou he's still the most beautiful Human he has ever seen, to date.

"Hey." He winks at Yuu, and the teenagers all swoon. "Need a ride?"

_Body jerking and spasming uncontrollably at the still-throbbing pain, Kouyou attempts to lay curled up on the ground with knees tucked close to his chest, feeling both doomed and freed in his bed of bloody feathers. Behind him, a bonfire crackles and dances, Kai gathering what he can of what was once part of Kouyou, feeding the delicate things to the flames. The smell is unpleasant, just like his future, but Kouyou remembers all this he did for Yuu, and he smiles despite his drying tears and thinks otherwise._

_"It is done," He whispers, eyes closing. His back is raw and bleeding and is taking too long to heal, and he needs the sleep to accelerate its closing. "It is done, Yuu."_

_As he slips into repose, he catches Kai's wistful sigh but not the words that follow, getting pulled under rather swiftly. It is a tiring thing after all, self wing-removal._

_"Another because of a Human. Of course."_

It feels like everyone in the waiting shed has stopped breathing, waiting for Yuu's reaction. Even Kouyou's lungs have stopped cooperating but he doesn't let it show, not even as the person in question's face crumples into confusion, and then suspicion.

"Do I know you?"

Kouyou's facade doesn't break as he unstraddles his motorbike, the action putting every one of his long limbs on display. Leaning against his Yamaha's seat after hanging his helmet, he angles his body so that he's facing Yuu's direction, shoulders shrugging.

His white teeth gleams as he smiles, menace and seduction combined. _Bad boy,_ Kouyou reminds himself. Yuu likes them predator-like at first glance, and he hopes he's portraying the role as realistically as possible.

"No, but you'd like to, right? Know me, I mean."

The girls are whispering amongst themselves, giggling and falling over their feet at his display. He's hot and Kouyou knows it–and the pink on Yuu's cheeks clues him in, that what he's doing and how he looks, it has some effect.

If that is so, then _why–_

"Not interested, and thanks but I'll take the bus."

The disappointment Kouyou feels is echoed all around the waiting shed, from the high school students to the old lady further down the bench. Kouyou's smirk lessens in intensity, but he's experienced too much, been through so much, to give up now.

_When Kouyou awakens to the pouring of morning light against his face, his back is already halfway healed on the outside although every movement still sets it aflame with hurt, making him groan with his attempt to sit up. All the blood he has spilled has dried since then, darkened to a nearly black and crusting over on his skin and the bottom half of his robes, the feeling unpleasant and scratchy. More than the pain and the discomfort however, Kouyou's parched: he needs to clean up and a drink are his top two priorities._

_Now if only he can stand in order to complete such simple tasks, something he finds he can't do for some reason._

_"Ah. I see we have encountered human problem number one."_

Straightening, gravel crunches underfoot as Kouyou walks forward, stopping right in front of Yuu who has returned to his book. But he's not reading, Kouyou can tell–his eyes aren't moving on the page, and the tinge on his cheeks have darkened.

He squats down, leather molding against his body and emphasizing where he's toned: arms and his ass, and his shoulders. All the women sigh and blush dreamily at the sight, and he can't really blame them. It's hard work, getting this type of body that Humans seem to like. They _better_ appreciate it.

Tilting his head, Kouyou reaches for the accursed book, pulling it out of Yuu's hands and closing it carefully, the intensity back in his sneer. Yuu's eyes darken in annoyance as their gazes clash, and it excites him that he's getting such a reaction.

"Liar."

Kouyou hands the book back, sneer turning playful. He doesn't let go of the paperback even as Yuu tries to tug it out of his grip.

"But lying is my favorite sin, so I like it."

_Kouyou looks up with flailing arms which are a prelude to him falling on his bottom, finding Kai headed his way from the cavern's mouth. He stares up at the Devil with wide and confused eyes, a hint of fear in them at being unable to do something so mundane._

_"I cannot walk."_

_"Use_ can't _instead of cannot. You have to stop speaking so formally, Humans will find you strange. Also, yes you aren't able to. It's not permanent though, your body just has to realize it no longer has its wings and adjust from there."_

The teenagers are beside themselves in excitement at the development of the scene they're watching, clutching at each other and trying to stifle their ongoing giggles, although unsuccessfully. Kouyou ignores them, but Yuu shoots their group a look and a scowl, before turning back to him with a glare.

A solid yank gets him his book back, but only because Kouyou loosens his hold on it.

"Go away, I said I'm not interested. Not in men like you."

But even as he says it, Yuu's eyes fleetingly take in what he can see of Kouyou's shoulders and his chest. A low and sexy chuckle forces their eyes to meet again, and Kouyou notes how angry his beloved is getting. He looks amazing, heated like that, and Kouyou wonders if Yuu's expression will be as intense when they make love for the first time. The imagery is vivid in his head, translating in his voice as he speaks as if he's purring at Yuu.

"But you like what you see, hm? It's not just my motorcycle that you can ride, you know."

_Kouyou stares back blankly. "I... do not understand."_

_"Instead of do not, use_ don't. _And to explain, as an Angel, your wings helped you with your balance. But now and without their weight on your back, your center of gravity has changed. You have to rely on whatever body parts you have left in order to stand."_

_It is then that Kai shows him something that prompts him to shift on his knees at the sight. Strangely packaged yes and in a see-through container he has only ever seen Humans use, but the contents are undoubtedly water._

_"You can have a drink, but you must be the one to pluck the bottle out of my hand."_

The sound is sharp, Kouyou's head snapping to the side as Yuu's palm collides with his cheek in a slap. He's startled by it and it hurts, but he's unsure what it means. He barely notices the sounds of shock from their little audience, the waiting shed descending into silence.

"Excuse me?!"

When he looks back at Yuu, it's to find him really angry, no more of its quiet version earlier. This time around he's simmering, and when he stands up Kouyou does too, compelled to showcase some kind of advantage even if it's just height. Because the more Kouyou pushes, the angrier Yuu gets, and full of rage he looks absolutely divine–Kouyou wants to fall on his knees and declare his undying love, if only it isn't such an inappropriate thing to do at the moment.

"Go take your bike and shove it up your ass!"

_Swallowing painfully as he watches the Devil walk off and settle on a piece of rocky outcropping a good few feet away from where he's still kneeling, Kouyou pushes himself up and manages to be on his feet for only two seconds, before he falls over again and face first this time. Kai laughs as he crosses his legs, uncapping the container and taking a swig, letting droplets of water drip down his chin in a tempting display. Kouyou unconsciously licks his drying lips as he pants at the sight, throat begging for the liquid._

_"Try again, brother. Or else I may get tired of waiting and just finish all of this."_

_Kouyou growls as he pushes himself up one more time, glaring at the Devil whose smile is as teasing as it is amused._

_"Don't dare."_

_"A very fast learner, you used_ don't, _although it sounds nicer if you use_ do not _in this case. You still have to walk over to get a drink, however. Come."_

It's just then, that the bus arrives.

Giving him a hateful look, Yuu stomps toward the public vehicle, back straight and head held high. Watching him go with a hand on his stinging cheek, Kouyou's mixed feelings are whirling inside him and he's not certain which one to feel first.

"Better luck next time."

One of the students sound sympathetic and gives him a pat on the arm as she says these words, she and her classmates ascending the bus themselves soon after, but Kouyou barely hears them as he caresses where he'd been hit.

Because he's grinning.

 _And this is how Kouyou spends his first day as a wingless, former Angel: with cracked lips and crusted blood upon his skin, sweat running down his dirt-ridden body with the effort to re-learn the art of walking. It is a painful, lengthy process of trial and error, and by the time he finally reaches Kai_ without _falling over hours later and past noon, the Devil has left him with only a gulpful that he laps at desperately, half-collapsing on the rocky ground and in the other's arms._

_"Very good. I'll enjoy being your mentor. Will you come with me?"_

_And because he knows he will need the help and that he does not have much of a choice, Kouyou nods his head despite the unease in his stomach telling him he should not trust the Devil–only to be reminded that he has become one himself. And so his answer is certain when he speaks it aloud._

_"I will be forever thankful if yes, you bring me with you."_

"I'll. _The first lesson will be language."_

Walking back beside his bike and watching the bus drive away, he finds Yuu has seated himself on the very back. The dark hair is unmistakeable, and so is his angry face as he twists in his seat to glance behind him, glaring through the glass as the distance between them grows. Kouyou laughs loudly when Yuu gives him the middle finger, taking no offense.

All he does is give his beloved another wink, before blowing him a goodbye kiss.

It's a productive day, Kouyou thinks, and as he said earlier, he grabs his phone from his pocket, dialling Kai's number to give the Devil a progress report. He may or may not be interested, but Kouyou's going to tell him about what happened anyway.

"Hello?"

"I think he likes me!"

There's an incredulous pause on the other line, before Kai's amusedly asking: "Already? That was quick. So he agreed on a date?"

Kouyou's pacing the waiting shed, smiling from ear to ear as he tells the Devil of the events that took place and that _no,_ a date at this point is moving too fast so _not yet,_ to be stopped at the part about the slap with a laugh.

"Wait, you think he likes you because he slapped you? I think you're misunderstanding his social cues, Kouyou..."

Kouyou pouts, moving toward his bike and straddling it, but instead of sitting properly, he curls forward and lays a cheek against the handlebars–a badass-looking biker acting like a harmless little feline, to the amusement of passersby.

"He does! So much feelings on the first meeting... can't you see? He won't be able to stop thinking about me!"

The Devil pauses at that, and Kouyou thinks he's made his point, continuing on and getting his grin back.

"Kai, I think I'm going to marry him."

Too enthralled by his own feelings, Kai's own bitter chuckle goes unnoticed by Kouyou.

_His first step outside the cave is accompanied by a lecture regarding contractions among other things related to how Humans speak, just one of the many lessons Kouyou will learn that will lead to new knowledge–and his corruption. With his wings gone after all, he has nothing left to lose and Kouyou intends to make the most out of his Fall._

**For Yuu.**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _(1) Chapter title **Ad undas** meaning "To the waves", often used to describe a failure and indicating something is going "to hell",_ Latin


	3. Semper fidelis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **um sorry? we've been busy, but here's an update and there's probably going to be a new story posted very soon... let us know what you think, as usual ;)**

When Kai opens the door to Kouyou's bedroom in order to reprimand him about disturbing his reading session by playing music too loudly, it's to find a total of eight people inside a darkened room lit by strobe lights, dancing to a bass-heavy song. Wondering if he entered the wrong room (which Kai is sure isn't the case), he reaches for the light switch. Everything stops as soon as, and seven out of the eight turn to him, looking fearful and apologetic as they exclaim his name in unison.

"Kai-sama!"

He gives each one of them a squirm-worthy look before fixing his gaze on the room owner, and although he has given the other free reign over his little domain, it's still Kai's house so he has the right to ask questions.

"What's going on?"

The strobe lights are still flashing at this point, but thank the Heavens as Kouyou reaches over to unplug the device from the wall socket. It's a makeshift one, small and compact, and he isn't even sure where in the world they got it from. When Kouyou turns back to him though, instead of apologetic like the rest, he's grinning: a bundle of energy with sweat running down his face, the obvious excitement he's displaying making Kai raise a curious brow. And although Kouyou has been in such state at a near constant ever since meeting Yuu for the first time since his Fall, _this_ is more than usual.

"They're teaching me how to dance because we're clubbing tonight remember? Yuu will be there."

Kai refrains from showing any signs of exasperation like pinching the bridge of his nose or running a hand through his hair, instead choosing to sigh. Sometimes, he wonders why he keeps picking up these Fallen Angels off the streets and allowing them to live in his home, only for them to meet each other and do things like these... shutting the light off again, he waves a hand at them in a dismissing manner, already starting to turn around.

"Right, I forgot. Carry on then, but lower the volume. You're interrupting my afternoon reading."

Almost as soon as he gives the go signal, the music starts playing again, strobe lights flashing once more–everyone inside erupts in cheers at that, moving around the room in what resembles a mosh pit at a concert instead of a dance floor, truth be told. Lips quirking in an amused smile, Kai shakes his head and closes the door behind him, and thankfully the noise is far more muted this time around. Erupting in a short bark of laughter, Kai shakes his head one more time for good measure, before making his way back to his study roon.

The peace doesn't last long though, as nighttime falls and as the impromptu dance practice eventually comes to an end. Soon enough, the sound of doors opening and closing and the questions of _"Can I borrow a brush", "Does this shirt look okay", "Who has hair wax, I've run out",_ among others, fill the air. The Fallen Angels living with Kai are preparing to head out with Kouyou, who finds him as soon as he's done with getting dressed.

"Are you sure you're not going?"

Kai flips a page, eyes drinking in the words as he hums at Kouyou's question–the sixth time the other's asked it where he's been hanging around the doorway, waiting for the rest so they can leave for the club as a group.

"Depending on how quickly I finish the last few chapters, I might join you. If you stop pestering me, I'll be done with my book quicker."

But Kouyou remains by the doorway, fiddling with the ends of his jacket, and even while he absorbs the text on the page he's in, Kai feels the insecurity and nervousness radiating from the other in waves. Pausing and looking up, he raises a brow, tone softening to a worried lilt.

"What's the matter?"

Kouyou isn't looking at him when he replies, his gaze focused on the carpet where he's practically swaying, weight shifting from foot to foot in his state.

"Do you think there's someone else? And if that's the case, should I still pursue him? Because he's so beautiful and I'm sure I'm not the only one who's noticed, with eyes like the stars on a bright and cloudless evening and dark hair the–"

Kai waves his still open book in the air, halting Kouyou's attempt at expressing himself with some poetry thrown in. It may have been a bad idea to lend him one of his poem books after all... the other had been uselessly inserting unnecessary and wordy descriptions to everyday conversation, something that has been giving Kai headaches.

"I get it, I get it. He's a sight to behold. Anyway, unless it's official or they're married, I don't see why you can't continue pursuing Yuu despite competition. We've talked about this many times Kouyou: he hasn't said _yes_ is true, but you've yet to receive a _no_ from him either. Correct?"

Kouyou had paused with a hand in the air, having been interrupted from his poetry-reciting. Lowering the limb slowly, he nods with a sigh, smoothing his jacket down self-consciously.

"That's correct," He answers in a sullen tone. "I still wish you'd be there. It's not that I don't trust the guys but... with beauty in the likeness of–"

Kai pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to summon patience where there is nearly none as he cuts Kouyou off a second time, his eyes closed.

"For the love of unholy things Kouyou, if you don't stop describing Yuu in poems I swear by Hell that I will–"

There is a laugh just then, and not just from one person. Kai's pretty sure it came from a total of eight. Eyes flying open as he stops mid-sentence, it's to find Kouyou already scurrying away with the rest of his entourage for the evening gathered around him, and it is only then that Kai realizes Kouyou might have been yanking at his chain on purpose just to annoy him.

 _The ungrateful brats..._ "You motherfuckers!"

The sound of feet on the steps are rushed and accompanied by more laughter as someone urges everybody else to hurry up, and by the time he finds himself at the doorway of his study, all of them are gone so that Kai has no one to reprimand but the empty hallway.

"See you later! And we're taking the Rover!"

Rolling his eyes and torn between grounding the lot of them like Human teenage boys or laughing his head off at such childish behavior from his Fallen comrades, Kai turns around to return to his book with a shouted reply.

"If it gets even one scratch, I will slash all of your throats!"

There's a frightened squeak from one of them, and a nervous attempt from another to reassure the rest accompanied by a faint and weak laugh.

"I'm sure he's joking... _hahaha_..."

_"I am not!"_

"Um... we'll just take the van then! Bye!"

  
_IN THE CLUB_  
Yuu's not even sure why he allows Takanori to bring him here nearly every other week. It isn't like he drinks much, or even dances. But it makes him feel less lonely, surrounded by all these strangers. And although it's a farce and he's as lonely as ever, Yuu finds comfort in pretending he's not because being here surely beats the prospect of staying home alone, masturbating to some amateur gay porn only to feel miserable about it right after. And hey, he may even find someone to go home with who's going to make sure that there won't be a need to masturbate at all, if you catch his drift...

"Yuu! Come here!"

Looking up from the strikingly blue cocktail Takanori had ordered for him earlier, Yuu finds said person gyrating along with the mass of bodies currently moving as one in the dance floor, waving him over with a sexy and inviting grin. Shaking his head, Yuu makes it clear to Takanori that he doesn't want to join in before looking back down at his suspiciously-colored drink.

Sighing heavily, he picks it up and mutters to no one in particular:

"Bottoms up."

_"BOTTOMS UP!"_

Yuu nearly sputters what he's already sipped of his drink at the cheerful exclamation from behind him, and not just from one person. Turning around to peer over his seat, it's to find a total of eight people standing there with now empty shot glasses of their own, and among them–

_"You!"_

Yuu straightens in his seat when he finds the auburn-haired biker guy from almost two weeks ago, the one who had approached him and told him inappropriate things as he sat in his usual waiting shed, standing as part of a larger group behind the booth he's in. And his familiar smirk is in place, making him look as _sinfully good_ as that first time... but no, Yuu promised himself to never get involved with these types of men ever again.

He's not going to fall for their shit again either.  
  
"Hi. It's nice to see you here." The guy gives him a small bow which the rest of his... _friends_ mirror, making Yuu narrow his eyes, a bit weirded out by them and their actions as a whole. They're all dressed similarly, dark leather and some make up too, if he squints hard enough, except for the auburn-headed one who looks more than fine without. "Do you mind if we join you?"

Yuu scowls at the question, shaking his head firmly. He already knows what his answer is, and despite a part of Yuu telling him that he shouldn't let this gorgeous man go in such a setting where he'll most likely be snagged by someone else, he finds enough strength to turn his back on him.

"I mind so no, you can't–"

"Of course you can! I'm Takanori, Yuu's friend!"

It's just then that Takanori returns mildly sweaty with glitter sparkling on his cheek, falling beside Yuu on the couch but with his chin on the back of the seat so that his ass is sticking out where he's kneeling. And Yuu resists the urge to give his friend a shove so that he falls off from their chair, because he really doesn't want to have to do anything with...

"I'm Kouyou, it's nice to meet you Takanori. And especially you, Yuu. Is it okay if my cousins sit in with us?"

Takanori is a social butterfly and as long as people look good, Yuu knows he has no problem being seen around them. And as he has guessed, Takanori says yes and with a cute little giggle to boot. Yuu wants to gag, scurrying over and moving towards the farthest end of the couch, away from everyone.

"Okay, sure! What are your names?"

Haderu, Dunch, Elsa, Mofto, Ediee, Chaos, and Hideki. Yuu listens as they sit down and introduce themselves, reciting their names in his head. And the biker, the one with the long reddish hair... looking up, Yuu finds the person in question staring at him from across the table as he murmurs the name softly. It's a nice name, if Yuu's going to be honest with himself.

_Kouyou._

"So you know Yuu?"

Takanori has ordered a round of drinks the color of highlighters for everyone, and Yuu finds himself with a fresh glass of the electric blue liquid he had attempted to drink earlier. Playing host since Yuu won't stop scowling, Takanori takes matters in his own hands in order to keep a conversation going.

"Well, I've seen him around... we just moved in, and I saw him about a week ago–"

With gritted teeth as he downs his drink in one go, Yuu cuts Kouyou off. "It's two, you bastard. He's the one I was telling you about Taka, the rude biker guy who approached me as I was waiting for the bus."

"Oh!" Takanori looks absolutely delighted, for some reason, and leaning back on his seat, he doesn't bother lowering his voice when he slides closer to Yuu with a mock-whisper. "You're right, he's pretty hot. And his cousins too!"

Yuu blushes hard because Takanori isn't supposed to divulge that he ever thought that! And Kouyou the damn fucker, although he looks surprised at what he just heard, he recovers rather quickly, tipping his head downward with a more heartfelt smile. The curve of his lips, gentle and soft as their eyes meet one more time, makes Yuu's heart thud unevenly in his chest as although the smirk fits him, this one does even more, making Kouyou look as handsome as ever.

"Thank you. I think you're pretty hot too."

And the polite way it's said as if it's a more common compliment over one's clothes or something along the lines, it makes Kouyou so cute for some reason. Beside him, Takanori laughs and so does Kouyou's cousins who bear no resemblance to him at all, come to think of it.

"He's _so_ charming Yuu... are you sure you don't want him? I'll take him home instead!"

And Yuu opens his mouth without really knowing what he's about to say, whatever his mouth comes up with maybe, but before he can do so Kouyou has spoken first and with eyes that have not looked at anyone or anything else but him.

"I'm sorry Takanori, but if it's not Yuu, then it's no one. I'd rather go home alone."

And even the group of girls and queers sitting a booth away listening in on them go _aww_ at the declaration along with Takanori, making Yuu want to sink on the velvet folds of the couch and disappear in embarrassment.

"That's so sweet! Here, let's switch places, sit with him Kouyou!"

Scowling some more and trying to hide his burning cheeks, Yuu tries not to feel too self-conscious at having Kouyou sitting beside him with so little space left between them, looking about ten times as good as he smelled.

"Hi."

Looking up a little abashedly, Yuu finds Kouyou's body turned slightly towards him with that one-word greeting as if they're just talking for the first time. And come to think of it, they are–or will be, if only he gives the guy a chance. Biting his lower lip and being egged on by his stupid friend, Takanori cheering him on as he surrounds himself with Kouyou's cousins like someone flanked by his harem, Yuu makes a decision.

"Hi, Kouyou."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _(1) Chapter title **Semper fidelis** meaning "Always faithful",_ Latin


	4. In vino veritas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **ye, Kouyou speaks Latin. it's an AU so... ye XD**

It's Yuu's sixth visit to the washroom when he thinks he's had enough. Kouyou has not done a single thing to him, and to say that he's confused is a terrible understatement. He's utterly bewildered by what's going on, if a little worried, because Kouyou hasn't touched a single hair on his head or even attempted to put an arm around his shoulder. What he has done instead is to listen and ask pointed questions about whatever it is Yuu's saying, with the fiercest thing merely glaring at any man who looks at Yuu for too long. But that's it, the extent of his claim.

He hasn't _touched._

Glancing behind him, Yuu watches Kouyou where he is, leaned against the wall of the very first cubicle by the entrance where he has been since they arrived, those eyes of his downcast. And it's not even because he's looking at something on his shoes that he has his head bowed. His gaze is averted on purpose as it had been the first five times he accompanied Yuu to the men's room, as if the act of washing hands is a private and delicate thing that he's forbidden to stare at. Unable to take it anymore and drunk as he is with seven shots in his system as well as four bottles of beer, he just blurts it out.

_Thanks, Takanori._

"What do you want from me?"

The demanding question out of nowhere startles Kouyou, who looks up at him in surprise and confusion. For a minute, he seems to be figuring out whether the question is for him or not, but since there aren't any other people near them except the one guy in front of a urinal and another vomiting on the end-most cubicle, Yuu eventually sees the answer dawn on those eyes that yes, the question is for him.

But his answer is a plea for clarification. "Pardon?"

Under different lighting, Yuu realizes that it's not auburn, no. Kouyou's long hair is a gorgeous shade of brown, cut in such a way that softens the sharp angles of his face. Staring at this beautiful man who has been nothing but courteous all night, something in Yuu aches in response to the hope that's been rising inside him. He's never had someone as beautiful outside as they are down where their soul is, to respect him and his boundaries the way Kouyou has been doing. Men with faces like his, they have a motive, want something from him, and he knows what that is. Is Kouyou any different? Or are they playing a game? Maybe they're just waiting, both of them–to see who caves in first, who between them will give in to temptation first. 

If that's what _this_ is, Yuu knows he's about to lose. He has never wanted to touch and be touched so much his entire life, and by a stranger as dangerously handsome as Kouyou.

"What do you want from me?"

He repeats the question with more force, the words edged so that they're more cutting. Yuu isn't someone who likes confrontation but here he is, strengthened by the alcohol he's had. The guy in the urinal who has moved to the sinks, he's watching their exchange with a kind of drunk fascination.

Yuu doesn't care.

Kouyou straightens, pushing locks of hair away from his face, forehead creased. He's concerned is how Yuu reads the expression, more than he's still confused about the interrogation. Yuu doesn't even question it, how easily he's reading Kouyou, how open the other's face is.

"You," The answer makes the ache inside Yuu become a twisting, wriggling thing that wants to claw out of his skin in something that he can only describe as bitterness. "I want to hear you, and be near you. To speak with you, to listen to what you have to say. I want you, that's all."

And it's so simple, what Kouyou just said. So simple that it's complicated in so many ways. Yuu can't believe what he just heard, and although a part of him wants to so badly, he's been victimized by men who has said similar things like this in the past.

"Kouyou..." 

He stops. The guy from the urinal is still watching, listening. Even whoever had been vomiting earlier has gone quiet, so he may be listening too, if he hasn't passed out on the toilet that is. Laughing slightly but in defeat, Yuu shakes his head at the absurdity of the night. He really is a sucker for these types, men like Kouyou. But he doesn't want another morning waking up to an empty bed after a night of rough sex. He's done with it, doesn't want to risk going back to that kind of lifestyle.

"I'm going home."

With wobbly steps, he walks past Kouyou who doesn't stop him, but follows him a good distance away. And Yuu isn't sure if he's dense, but Kouyou hasn't understood somehow, _that it's over;_ that he doesn't want to be a part of whatever game they've been playing anymore.

With unexplainable anger and a frustration that has no direct relation to Kouyou boiling inside him, as soon as they step outside and about a block away from the club, Yuu explodes.

"Go away! Don't follow me!"

The sidewalk they're in is empty as they stop for no particular reason. The shops beside them are closed, of course they are, seeing how late it is. With his back still turned, Yuu's feelings are starting to scatter, the walls that he usually has up nonexistent with liquor swimming in his veins. He isn't usually a miserable drunk, or a weepy one, but there's a first time for everything. Shoulders shaking, he tries and fails in not crying.

"Yuu... talk to me, please." He hears Kouyou's footwear on the pavement, something heeled, his boots clacking on stone. It's so loud in the silence, the club music distant that it's just a dream at this point. "Did I say something wrong, do something wrong? I'm sorry."

And Kouyou is still being all kinds of unbelievable, so unlike how he'd been at the shed. Polite, gentle... _kind,_ as if every aspect of how he looks like is a reflection of what's inside. But it's not true, it can't be true. Yuu has never attracted such a type, it's his curse.

"Just leave me alone." Yuu is embarrassed to be crying but god damn it, _he is._ Wrapping his arms around himself, the tears won't stop as soon as they start coming. He must look like a complete idiot. "Leave me be."

The clack of boots stop directly behind him, Kouyou's voice soft and anguished as he finally touches Yuu for the very first time.

"I can't. Please, let me walk you home."

It's gentle and careful, the palm that encompasses his right arm. Yuu closes his eyes, trembling from head to toe, as he focuses on the warmth of the touch. For a full minute he tries to get himself under control, and Kouyou doesn't say anything else as he does, he just stays. After a while and with a sniff, Yuu wipes at his cheeks with his hands and nods. It won't hurt now, will it? He's pretty sure after this unprovoked breakdown, Kouyou's not going to want to see him again, probably thinks he's mental.

"Okay, this way."

The warmth, the touch, goes slowly away. Yuu wants it back but he doesn't know if he has any right to ask for it, so he clams up and starts walking again instead. The clack of boots follow him, close and yet miles away.

_But he's too good to be true._

 

"Do you want to come in?"

By the time they reach his apartment building, Yuu isn't completely sober but he thinks his head is a little clearer. Standing by his front door located on the third floor and with his keys in hand, he looks over his shoulder and makes the offer anyway, even though he's been battling with himself nearly all evening not to let the night end like this. But he wants Kouyou too much and, if they're not meant to see each other again after this, he wants just one memory of him, no matter how twisted or fleeting.

"Just to make sure you get to bed."

Yuu wants to laugh. He's heard that one before, just not in the exact same wording. Keys jingling, he gets the door open, steps inside. Kouyou follows him and as soon as the light is on and the door is shut, Yuu turns.

_One memory, just one._

Kouyou's lips are soft and unresponsive, despite Yuu's best efforts to tease. Pressed against the doorframe, it's a bit comical to note how the role of victim seems to be misplaced at the moment, with Yuu the attacker instead. Pulling back, he opens his eyes to find Kouyou's own wide in shock.

"Take me to bed," Yuu whispers to him, guiding Kouyou's hands to his waist where they feel right. Palms rubbing upward from chest to neck, he cups the other's face, leaning in for another one-sided kiss just right after: "I want to fuck."

The gasp is sharp, and Yuu's not sure whether it's because of his words, but he doesn't want to think. Slipping his tongue inside Kouyou's mouth at the first available opportunity, he prods at the other's own tongue and gets a soft moan in response. But just as quickly, he finds their positions reversed. He slams against the door but it's more his back than his head, because Kouyou has made sure to cradle his skull with a palm, to prevent him from hitting it on the wood.

"No... not like this. You're not yourself."

There's something in Kouyou's eyes that Yuu can't read, can't understand. Blinking at him slowly and with embarrassment tenfold its intensity earlier compared to when he had just been crying, Yuu starts getting angry. It's a defensive reaction to being rejected.

"So you don't want me?"

The shock is back on Kouyou's face, his reply instantaneous as he shakes his head, the one cupping Yuu's face this time. Just like the brief touch to his arm, this too is careful, perhaps even more so.

"I do, _so much."_ Kouyou's voice is a whisper of a breath as their foreheads touch, and Yuu closes his eyes with a shiver. He sounds so honest and so helpless–like he's the one who will be on the losing end if tonight doesn't work out between them. "But not when you're unhappy, when you won't be there with me even while we're joined... not when it won't be enjoyable for you."

It's arousing, his words. Yuu thinks there might be something wrong with him, because the more Kouyou denies him the more he wants. Shaking his head, he lifts his head but their lips only touch for a few seconds before Kouyou is pulling back just enough to put a thumb over Yuu's mouth, rubbing at his lower lip. And then he's chuckling and it's the most amazing sound Yuu has ever heard.

"Don't tempt me, it's hard enough as it is. Please Yuu," Kouyou's eyes are closed now too, Yuu realizes when he opens his own to watch his face. It's happy, but it's pained. Yuu wonders if that's how he'll look like when he comes inside with a deep and satisfied groan. "Let me take you to bed."

"But just to sleep." He says in a flat voice, and Kouyou makes that soft chuckling sound again as he nods, lifting Yuu's face to press a kiss on his forehead as that thumb goes away.

"Yes, just to sleep."

And Yuu is so disappointed but glad at the same time, and inside him there's a mess of feelings he can't describe. The alcohol isn't helping him figure anything out so he has some difficulty making sense of his emotions and what they really are.

He wants to know one thing though. Blinking and looking upward to meet Kouyou's half-lidded gaze, he whispers with arms that are around the other's neck, needing to hear it said aloud.

"But you want me?"

The nod is firm and sure, and like a seal to a promise, Kouyou touches their lips briefly and sweetly. For all that it lacks, it'll do for now.

 _"In at flamma cardia...(2)_ there is only you," Kouyou whispers with their mouths still pressed, skin sticking every other word. "So if I were to want, why not the one who keeps the flames within my chest alight?"

And even though he didn't understand some of the words, Yuu nods as if he believes Kouyou.

"Stay?"

The thumb is back, parting their breaths with a swipe. Another kiss to his forehead, this time one that doesn't go away immediately.

"I'll be here when you wake up, if that's what you want."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _(1) Chapter title **In vino veritas** meaning "In wine, truth" which describes how a person under the influence of alcohol is more likely to be honest about his/her thoughts and desires,_ Latin
> 
>  _(2) **In at flamma cardia:** In the fire of my heart, _Latin


	5. Et custodivit quasi pupillam oculi sui

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **it's a filler chapter to get you excited about the next one bwahaha**

Kouyou doesn't sleep and watches Yuu all night, still shaken by the evening's events. He can't believe it, that not only has Yuu opened up to and made himself vulnerable to him, but that they've already kissed too. It's a vivid memory, the three times it happened despite the fleeting nature of the other two instances, and it still sends Kouyou's blood racing as he remembers how plump those lips had been, softly full even in drunken persistence.

Seated on the floor with an arm on the bedspread and his chin upon it, Kouyou eventually calms down a little while later enough to start noticing every little thing: the way Yuu murmurs and twists under the covers, or laughs and frowns along with whatever it is he's dreaming of. Repose is such a fascinating thing on Yuu and Kouyou, not wanting to miss this moment, fights the drowsiness that exhaustion is bringing him with all the strength he has.

_"Mmm... no, not like... that..."_

Yuu's forehead creases just then as if something unpleasant is happening behind his eyelids, and Kouyou touches his fingers against the troubled face delicately to impart some comfort, speaking in a low and soothing voice as the digits trail across one cheek in a feather-light caress.

"Hush... it's all right Yuu."

The person in question shifts in bed and rubs his cheek against the covers, lips in a half smile as he settles, and Kouyou mirrors the expression as he takes his hand back slowly, trying to make as little noise as possible. And this is how Kouyou spends the depth of the evening, marveling in the sight that is Yuu in wonder and awe.

Sleep though, is a silent traitor and savage enemy.

Before he knows it, Kouyou has dozed off right there where he is and just at the point when the evening starts easing away to dawn's break, the sky turning indigo and then orange-blue-pink at a snail's pace. In the softness of daylight trying to get in through the gaps in the curtains, it is therefore his face that Yuu wakes up to, Kouyou with a cheek against his arm and strands of hair falling over his eyes.

This time, it's Yuu's turn to watch.

When he remembers last night's events by the front door of his house and all the words exchanged between himself and Kouyou, Yuu feels a rush of embarrassment that he knows reflects on his cheeks. Any other day he would've focused on and dreaded his actions, but not when his eyes find the sleeping figure by his bedside that diverts his attention and helps him come to a realization.

Kouyou stayed.

Heart beating painfully fast in his chest, Yuu bites his lower lip in an attempt to suppress an incoming smile. Despite his dramatics and the... instability he showcased as far as his emotions are concerned, _Kouyou stayed._ The thought that the he has decided to do such a thing makes Yuu so happy that he wants to cry.

More than that, he also can't help but hope.

 _Are you finally the one?_ Yuu asks himself, slowly moving closer to better watch Kouyou sleep, lip still trapped by his teeth as he dares to reach out and touch the other's face. Running his fingers gently to trace an arching brow, he lets go, allows the smile he can no longer hold back to ease into his expression.

Kouyou shifts, moves against his touch with a murmur using what sounds like the same language he'd used last night, a foreign one that Yuu has never heard before. But it makes this beautiful man even dreamier than he already is–mysterious and handsome, and all the things that had broken Yuu's heart before, many times.

"I'll give you a chance," He whispers as he takes his hand away, laughing softly to himself at watching Kouyou giggle and shift restlessly in his sleep. "And I hope it'll be worth it, Kouyou."

Sighing wistfully as the words fall on deaf ears, Yuu eventually leaves the bed to get himself and breakfast ready, letting his unplanned guest sleep in a little bit more. Far as he is though, all Yuu can think about is the man in his bedroom who has managed to get under his skin without even doing much of anything at all. It's unnatural and he knows it, and he's just becoming anxious and doubtful again when Yuu hears the door creak open, to be followed by footsteps and a loud yawn. He turns around and his anxiety is silenced by the sight.

Kouyou's lengthy hair is a mess, and he's wobbling on his feet as he walks forward, one hand rubbing at an eye while he tries his best to keep the other open and on Yuu.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep," Kouyou says then, stopping by the space between kitchen and living area as he drops his hand and squints at Yuu through bleary eyes. "I liked watching you while you were and I hadn't meant to sleep myself."

Coming from anyone else, Yuu would've found that last bit creepy as hell, but a newly awakened Kouyou is far too adorable to be labeled as such so he just shakes his head and pats one of the stools by the kitchen counter invitingly, nodding the other closer.

"It's fine. Sit here, I made us something."

Perhaps a little out of it still, Kouyou does as he's told without offering any other reply, stumbling over and taking the offered seat with a mumbled _thanks_ as Yuu serves him a bowl of oatmeal sweetened by pieces of banana and honey. He sits down himself right beside Kouyou and they eat in silence, and it's comfortable, almost normal. Yuu is baffled by it, by the normalcy of having Kouyou here as if he's always been, and it feels wonderful and frightening at the same time, making Yuu wonder:

What will it do to him, should he lose this person who is slipping into the blank space in his life so easily like no one ever has? Despite his doubts, Yuu can't seem to push Kouyou away and it makes things even scarier.

"Yuu?"

Looking up from his untouched food, Yuu finds Kouyou peering at him in concern, a cluster of oatmeal on a corner of his lips. His bowl is already half empty, and the fruits are all gone. Where Yuu's appetite is nonexistent, Kouyou doesn't seem to have any problem with his.

"Hmm?"

Kouyou takes another spoonful, swallowing before he continues without breaking eye contact, making Yuu's insides turn into a churning mush of organs.

"Is everything okay?"

Looking back and offering a weak smile, Yuu shrugs his shoulders lightly, his answer only half the truth.

"I'm fine, just not completely awake yet."

Because this had to be a dream, all of it. Yuu never gets this kind of person, this kind of man, for himself. Not the one who puts him first and asks how he's feeling, what's on his mind, makes him feel like he matters. But then when Kouyou touches his face, caresses his cheek, _it's real._ Eyelids fluttering, Yuu searches the worried gaze and something in his gut loosens from a knot of anxiety into a flurry of butterflies.

"Should we kiss again? Will it help like last night?"

It won't, but Yuu doesn't have the heart to say no. He doesn't even think he wants to decline at all, not when he's reminded of the night before and what could have been.

"Yes."

The feel of Kouyou's mouth on his own is the sweetest thing as he closes his eyes and lets the other's lips soothe him using a simple kiss, and when they part Yuu knows he's blushing. To his surprise, Kouyou is too.

"I think," His guest whispers, spoon making lines on his half-finished oatmeal as he turns away from Yuu's narrow-eyed gaze. "I really like kissing you."

Yuu smiles softly and finally takes a spoonful of the food he's been ignoring, speaking around it in a barely audible mumble.

"I think I do too."

Kouyou kisses him one more time before he leaves thirty minutes later, bidding him _goodbye_ and _see you later_ as he'd been unable to say no to the other's offer of seeing each other again tonight.

"It's a date."

Kouyou's smile had been wide and excited when he said those words, making Yuu's heart palpitate in nervousness and glee. He hasn't been on an actual date in so long.

"Okay, it's a date."

So it is. Yuu spends the rest of the day putting an outfit together while wondering whether he and Kouyou will be kissing on this date some more. And he doesn't know this of course, but Kouyou is thinking the exact same thing, the ghost of their kisses leaving smiles on both their lips.

 

When Kouyou tells Kai of last night's events as soon as he arrives home, the elder Fallen sighs and sits him down with a grimace, locking them up in his study room.

"Okay, I think it's time," Kai declares, appearing much like a Father to his teenage son. "We need to have The Talk."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _(1) Chapter title **Et custodivit quasi pupillam oculi sui** meaning "And he kept it as the apple of his eye", which implies caring for something in the best manner there is, _Latin__


	6. Fac ut cardeat cor meum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **hello. not back, just visiting. nostalgia is very hard to fight off.**

Kouyou knows he's ready to see Yuu by the time evening rolls around. He's got a newly purchased car is one reason why: a classic muscle-type with the same bronze accents as his motorcycle. He'd wanted their first date to be in one of his favorite places just outside the city, but after realizing how uncomfortable it would be for Yuu if they take his bike, the following conversation had taken place:

"Kai?"

Seated on his usual window perch, Kai merely hums as he continues reading his book. Used to this by now, Kouyou continues at the prompting.  

"How do we get one of those things called cars?"

His words get the elder Fallen's attention who pauses comically, breath stuttering to a halt at the question. After several seconds, he slowly looks up while gently closing the paperback in his hands, meeting Kouyou's expectant gaze.

"So you want a car," Kai concludes with a controlled exhale. "Is that right?"

Kouyou shrugs his shoulders, smiling brightly and rather innocently. "Well, yeah! I want to impress Yuu and make sure he's comfortable when we go out for long drives. Can you help me get a car?"

There's two minutes of silence, the only thing moving from Kai his eyelids as he blinks, and his chest as he inhales and exhales. But then there are also several of his fingers tapping against the side of his thigh after a while as he considers Kouyou, expression deadpan, the wheels in his head obviously turning.

Eventually:

"Okay. I'll get you a car, something that suits you," Kai declares to a happy grin from Kouyou, rising from his cushioned seat and taking his mobile phone out from his jeans pocket. "I know where we can get one asap. You can thank me later."

Kouyou follows right at his tail while Kai starts heading for the door leading out of his study, nearly bouncing on his feet as he walks with his arms swinging.

"I'll thank you now too! _Thank you!"_

 

But then before that, a rather strange and awkward conversation had taken place when Kouyou told the elder Fallen about last night, leading to Kai handing him several condom packets to put in his wallet. After watching some videos on how to put them on and what exactly they're used for, Kouyou agrees he might need them since Yuu had been pretty adamant about doing things. Kai had thought the same, hence the "gift."

"They're flavored though," Kouyou'd commented in awe after deciding to take a closer look at the new items in his possession, staring at one condom that says  _chocolate_ and another that declares  _mint_ and strongly smells like it too. He wonders if it'll have that cooling effect as well. "Why are they flavored?"

Kai hadn't even paused from putting his jacket on, about to head to the dealer where he would be picking up Kouyou's new car from, only taking a quick glance at the website Kouyou's in and telling him to go elsewhere instead before keeping his explanation short.  

"Try YouPorn for some hardcore stuff. And the flavor is because it also gets used for this, among other things." Kai lifted a hand and made a motion unfamiliar to Kouyou: a closed fist as if grasping something he was moving up and down in front of his mouth.

"Uuuh..." Kouyou narrows his eyes cluelessly, perfecting the dumb puppy look. "I don't get it."

"Before going to YouPorn, google the word _blowjob_ first. Then you'll understand."

"Ooooh... so that's why. I didn't know you could do that."

 

All in all, Kouyou is set. He has a spare jacket in case Yuu gets cold, and some neatly-folded blankets in the backseat in the event his arms aren't enough for warmth. That and he'd picked up some roadside flowers that he'd tied together with a ribbon too, wilting ones that had sprung back to life just by his touch alone.

"Okay," he tells himself as he parks his car in front of the building where Yuu lives, staring at his reflection on the rearview mirror and unable to stop himself from giggling nervously. "Okay Kouyou, this is it. A date. Maybe with some love making. If Yuu wants it."

Taking a deep breath, he grabs the flowers from the passenger seat and steps out of the car, only to look up as soon as he shuts the driver's side door to find Yuu already standing by the building's main door, smiling shyly at him.

"Hi," Yuu greets him breathlessly, giving a little wave, and Kouyou's heart flutters in his chest. "You're early."

Smiling back sheepishly and making an attempt to hide the flowers he has in one hand behind him, Kouyou shrugs and steps around his car to the sidewalk, hurrying toward Yuu and stopping in front of him.

"I was excited to see you," he explains, looking down at the dark haired man before him, the one with smiles for everyone else but himself. If he will be allowed to, Kouyou is willing to give up his own smiles just so Yuu can have some to keep. "I have a surprise. Close your eyes?"

The expression on Yuu's face is suspicious though amused, but he does as he's told. Thrusting the wildflowers in front of Yuu's face, Kouyou can't help the bout of embarrassment that he feels next when he realizes how maybe he should've bought a bouquet from a flower shop instead.

"You can look now. Sorry it isn't much—"

But as soon as Yuu opens his eyes and sees the flowers, his face lights up and the effort is worth it, and even more so when he takes the blooms from Kouyou with a firm shake of his head, leaning forward and up to kiss him with a grin.

"No, it's everything. Thank you."

The approving murmur from Yuu gets lost as Kouyou moves his lips instinctively against the ones pressed against his own, mouths fitting together for a taste of saliva and oxygen. Wanting to be closer, Kouyou's hands find purchase on Yuu's waist as he backs him up against the nearest wall, tilting his head to deepen what started out as a simple kiss. He wants the wet contact, the vulnerability of tongues against tongues, the closeness that is nothing else but Yuu.

But then Kouyou remembers why he's here, that this is a date, and if he doesn't stop now then his plans might go down the drain. That won't do. Pulling back reluctantly, he's met with a heated gaze, and Kouyou can't help but steal one last kiss before he's the one shaking his head this time, pressing his forehead against Yuu's own with a huff of soft laughter.  

"It's difficult to stop myself from kissing you but I have plans. We can do anything else you want later, if it feels right. Is that okay?"

The nuzzle of a nose tip against his own makes him open his eyes, and he softens at the sight: Yuu with a happy smile and a crinkled nose nodding at him, arms coming up around his neck for an embrace.

"Okay Kouyou." He feels a kiss to his cheek, and Kouyou's heart swells with glee. "Very okay."

They get into the car, and for a while, there are no words as they cruise down the street, headed outside the city. There is just silence and touch, and Kouyou almost dies in happiness when Yuu reaches past the gear shift to take his free hand, holding it against his own. When he intertwines their fingers, Kouyou thinks it's a perfect fit. Falling had been worth it, and no one can tell him otherwise. That is, except one person he hasn't had the chance to meet just yet.

Suzuki Akira.

 

* * *

 

 

_Akira has never seen this many Angels congregating in one place in a long time, and he's more wary than usual. He's learned to conceal himself, to appear more human, but keeping the other half of his heritage at bay requires a lot of energy, and it's exhausting. After a near slip earlier, he's mighty glad that he's finally home._

_Being a Nephilim(_ _2)_ _sucks, but it isn't like he's not used to it._

_Letting himself relax, Akira takes a quick shower and then prepares dinner, seating himself in front of the TV not long after where he finishes his huge bowl of noodles in less than five minutes. By the time he's done and as relaxed as he can be, he watches one last drama before washing the dishes, locking all the doors, and stretching out in bed to prepare for sleep._

_But for the first time in years, before he actually turns off the lights for some much needed shut-eye, he pulls out his most prized possession: a family album. Opening the worn thing with care, Akira smiles down at the photos of his parents, his mood sad and wistful._

_"I miss you both," he whispers in the silence of his apartment, running his fingers on a favorite photo—his twelfth birthday, the last time Akira's family had been together and complete. "And I'm afraid that they've finally found me. There were Angels everywhere today. Is something about to happen ma, pa? Does it have anything to do with me?"_

_He doesn't get an answer, but that's not surprising._

_Spending a few more minutes staring at the past, Akira eventually yawns out loud, sleep tugging at him from every direction. Putting the photo album away in its hidden drawer, he doesn't pray as he closes his eyes, knowing it's going to be of no use. Prayers hadn't been of any help at all during the massacre of Akira's entire family just because his Angel of a father fell in love with his human mother._

_And so he doesn't thank nor apologize to anyone for the blessings and sins of the day, simply closes his eyes to welcome the darkness._

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Wow. What a beautiful view."

Kouyou smiles and watches Yuu staring down in wonder and awe at the city below. After nearly an hour on the road where they'd held hands the entire time, he's glad taking the love of his life here seemed a success. It isn't the lights that reflect on those eyes, but a childlike happiness.

Kouyou is glad he's the one who put it there.

"You said this is one of your favorite spots," Yuu starts, and Kouyou nods his head where they're standing beside each other behind a high rail, one that separates them from a steep drop down the mountainside. "Where are the other ones?"

Smiling secretively, Kouyou focuses on the view with a stubborn shake of his head. "That's for you to find out during our next dates."

The loud and surprised laughter from Yuu makes him look sideways, to find himself being watched with a fond smile.

"Oh, so we're going on a second date now? Maybe a third, or fourth?"

"Eighteenth," Kouyou clarifies with a cheeky grin, reaching out for Yuu's hand gently to tug him close. Yuu doesn't resist. "I have eighteen favorite places so that's eighteen dates if you really want to know the others."

"And if I don't say yes?"

Kouyou embraces Yuu against himself and buries his nose against dark silky hair. Closing his eyes, he heaves a contented sigh. 

"Then I'll have to convince you. How do I change your mind?"

Yuu pulls back, looks up at him, and taps a finger over his lower lip playfully—and Kouyou knows at that point, that he won't be able to say no to anything Yuu asks from him. If he wants the world, and Heaven or Hell, Kouyou is aware that he will do everything in his power to give them to Yuu.

"Kiss me and I just might."

Closing the distance between them, Kouyou tips Yuu's face upward with a smile and a nod.

“It's a good thing then, that I _really_ like kissing you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _(1) Chapter title **Fac ut cardeat cor meum** meaning "Make my heart burn", _ Latin
> 
> _(2) One interpretation is the offspring of an Angel and human; a half Angel_


End file.
